have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
