My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
this hospital has no fireball
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
