You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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