She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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