You really coming over, don't trick.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Couch. On fire.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
