What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
