i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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