YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
