We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
