Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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