What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
