When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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