I could make wine with my vomit
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
