Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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