walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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