Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
