Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
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If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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