you would pick up someone in the library
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
