I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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