Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
