so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
