omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
