so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
