Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
not ubering you a puppy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
