I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
