I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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