official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I am naked and annoyed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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