I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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