I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
