i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
