careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
