So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
only you would photoshop your dick
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
