Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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