I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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