i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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