I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
