All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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