For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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