I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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