i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
