He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
