How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
