i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
