well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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