are you still at the devil's house?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
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I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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