We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
