Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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