I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
