So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
