come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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