When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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