apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
