All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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