covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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