i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
