Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
