It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
