I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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