you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
