i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
