I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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