I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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