Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
