dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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