I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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