his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
