We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
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