I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
