Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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