My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
