You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
